Assassin’s Creed

“One last trip to the Alamo Drafthouse before I left Laredo (srsly, when is the LA one opening?!) The beauty of the drafthouse (well one of the many beauties) is that when couldn’t decide if I wanted a beer or a shake to go with my fried pickles, I saw that they had a beer shake. Their draft porter mixed with vanilla ice cream. Heaven. The movie, less so. Shall we?

Based on the video game series (which I’ve never played), Assassin’s Creed stars Michael Fassbender as a violent man stolen from death row and taken to a secret research facility. They are attempting to cure violence (okay that concept sounded so cheesy throughout the entire dang movie) with the help of a magical Macguffin that only Fassbender can help them locate. The way he can do this is by accessing memories of his past life, using some giant contraption that allows him to re-experience them.

Again, never played the game, but it sounded like a cool concept. I just found it boring as all hell. For one, I now understand why people get so annoyed with all the Marvel Macguffin storyline films (not that I didn’t understand it before, but now I feel the frustration). The action sequences were cool, and unique for how they blended movements in the two timelines, but the film relied far too heavily on them. They weren’t that cool. It just seemed like a waste of such a good cast: Fassbender (who was supremely badass in the role), Marion Cotillard, and Jeremy Irons. But not a waste of a good beer shake.

Assassin’s Creed – \m/ \m/”