Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

“I was really hoping I could avoid monetarily supporting this film. Childhood feels made it mandatory viewing, but modern movie cynicism made me skeptical. I was actually supposta go to a free advance screening earlier in the week, but it was overbooked like whoa. Usually, if you show up around 60 min early you’re golden, and can often make it in much later than that too. Unless they put 1000 people on the list for a 300 seat theater. At least I was able to run back home in time to make it to yoga.

Anyways, the way that scheduling worked out, it was best to run straight from work on Fri to one of the relatively cheaper theaters close by. I braced myself for the horrors I might see.

it actually wasn’t as bad as I thought. I’m not saying it was good, but it was at least a step above Transformers. I was mostly engaged enough and there weren’t too many cringe worthy or eyeroll inducing moments. There were even a few clever ones.

One of my big concerns was there was talk that Michael Bay intended to change the turtles origin story so that they were aliens. Then he wondered what the big deal was with all the backlash. My answer? Muppets From Space. Look what happened when we made Gonzo an alien. Let us never speak of that again. Thank the heavens that idea was scrapped, but there was a clever joke thrown in for those savvy enough to get it.

The movie was otherwise pretty thin. April discovering their backstory as bad guys tried to exploit the turtles. yadda yadda yadda. Even if the recent animated TMNT from a few years ago was lame, at least it had some interpersonal conflict within the group as Raphael was fighting against Leonardo’s authority. This time, everyone was just copacetic and it was dull.

I think more of the film fell on Megan Fox’s shoulders than on the turtles’s shells. I still have mixed feelings about her. Sometimes she’s clever and self aware enough. Othertimes she’s too pretty to function as a normal female human being. For every line that sounded moderately intelligent, there was the one that sounded ditzy beyond all reason.

So it could have been worse. It could also have been better. Small victories, yeah?

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles – \m/ \m/ \n”

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