“My new favorite time to go to the movies is one of the before noon shows. It’s only 7 bucks, it’s fairly empty, and then I have the rest of the day to myself. Walking in there today, though, I couldn’t tell if most of the crowd was of the geriatric persuasion because it was such an early time or because they identified with the older average age of the cast. I didn’t dwell on it.

Okay, so we’re reuniting our Retired Extremely Dangerous crew from the first one. Throwing them into some new dangers to save the world. Absurd action abounds. Or at least it should. For a film whose main selling point is supposed to be the cast, they weren’t really selling it too well.

As much of a fan of his as I am, I think the weakest link and the first one I’m gonna point my finger at is Bruce Willis. Just because he’s not exactly John McClain caliber anymore (and the recent Die Hard disaster proves that) doesn’t give him permission to phone it in. And I don’t mean how his big action sequence worked around having to show him kicking any enemy ass. That was fine. I’m talking about how he spent the whole movie seeming like he didn’t wanna be there. True, part of it was because his character really didn’t, but he didn’t have to make it seem like he was about ready to take a nap at any moment’s notice. That then made Mary-Louise Parker stand out, and not in a good way. Besides the fact that they don’t have chemistry, she was all too eager to chew scenery and overcompensate for Willis’ apathy. It was just awkward. Then there was Catherine Zeta-Jones, who lately has had a very superior (or at least thinking she is) style that seems forced. Yes, you may be Hollywood royalty, but you need to believably play a character who isn’t. It’s just getting more and more grating as we move forward.

The cast wasn’t a total bust, though. John Malkovich was as fun as ever, continuing the zany and quirky character from before. At times, it felt like he was a bit much and out of place, but I still blame Bruce. For me, the real one to watch was Helen Mirren. I think the previous RED was my first real introduction to her, and I fell in love. She is the type of bad ass granny I wanna grow old to be. She was the one who seemed most in their element, and she simply commanded that screen.

Beyond the cast, there really wasn’t a whole lot to this one. A few plot details I wasn’t completely straight on that had our team traversing the globe. I was kinda bored. I will give points for Byung-hun Lee’s fight scene in the convenience store, since I’m a sucker for a well choreographed fight with creative props. Sadly, there really aren’t any other highs that I recall. I felt about as bored as Bruce Willis looked

RED 2 – \m/ \m/

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